Winry Rockbell's guide to the Elric boys
by NarutoandKakashiFan
Summary: A parody of the book Megan's meade's guide to the McGowan boys. Winry won't move with her parents so her only choice is to move in with Trisha Elric, her husband and many sons. Hints of yaoi and possibly a few other things. Read more inside.
1. The worse plan

**Winry Rockbell's guide to the Elric boys**

This is a spoof or parody as some call it of the book by Kate Brian _Megan Meade's guide to the McGowen boys. _

Bits and pieces will be from the book, but not the whole ding dang story.

Hints of yaoi are included and maybe a lemon or two. No likie no read. Many characters might be OOC, but that's the point of a parody/spoof.

Enjoy

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"Pack your gear, Winry! We're moving to Japan!" No. It could not happen. Not now of all days when everything had been going so perfect. Winry Rockbell could feel the glass in her hands tremble as the words sunk into her mind. Her parents had come into her room, looking tired but excited as always.

"Moving...?" Even the words of her own voice began to tremble, the sound almost frightend. As automail mechanics/surgeons they were sent all over the world when needed. Even after the birth of their daughter the moves continued. Winry had been so sure this was a real home for once. Making it through three solid grades, having her first best friend Sheska Fuery, done well with her soccer team and finally she was going to talk to Ling Xao. She had even rehearsed the words in front of her mirror nearly one hundred and fifty times. Now she was being forced to leave everything behind once more.

"....I'm not going." The words rushed from her mouth before her mind could catch up with them. Though it was exactly what she felt inside. Sara Rockbell turned her attention to her daughter, looking both worried and startled. "What do you mean, Honey?"

Now was the time she could finally speak all she wanted. Winry set the glass of water aside, choosing now to dig her nails into the leather of the computer chair she was sitting in currently. "It means what it sounds like...I am not going! I'm happy here and...and..I can't just move to-"

"Japan." Her father put in, taking a seat beside his wife to stare blankly at his daughter. Winry could have fallen over at this point. All the way on the other side of the world after all. The silence dragged on after that, the blond girl and her parents simply having a staredown. Finally Yuri spoke, clearing his throat carefully. "Well, there's one other option for you to stay in this part of the country."

"I can stay with Sheska?" Even she had to pause on that. Sheska lived with her brother Kain and her mother in a very cramped apartment. Her best friend already shared a room with her older brother, divided by a simple sliding door. Sara shook her head, clasping her hands together ontop of her stained jeans, her tan skin a bit wrinkled with worry lines. "Do you remember my friend Trisha?" At that Winry could nod. Sara and Trisha had been best friends in college, staying best friends even after that. Trisha had married, now living in Central City with her husband.

"We talked it over and she'd love to have you come stay with her and her family." Her family... Trisha's husband Honenheim was a wonderful man, kind if not a bit silent. The worst part were the kids. All boys that had tortured Winry as a child. Pudgey Russel had shoved gum into her hair, chasing her around the backyard, until she had taken a bat and smacked him in the gut with it. So many years later and now the boys were teenagers for god's sake!

"Ho-how many of them were there?" The fear and shakeness had returned to her voice now as the question was asked. Someone in the sky had to hate her. Sara gave a smile, unclasping her hands then. "Seven."

_Seven?! _"SEVEN?" Her voice rose a bit as the number blurted from her already hysterical voice. Still, this was better then moving all the way to the other side of the world. This soccer girl was going to have to settle for hell. Elric style.

"...I'll go live with them."

"Good," Sara didn't catch the note of disgust and fear back in her daughter's tone as she stood up. "Come on, honey." Yuri followed suit, taking hold of his wife's arm. There was a glance backwards at their daughter. Winry simply gave a fake smile, waving her hands to shoo them off. "Really! It'll be great!"

Yeah, great.

Once her parents had left, she was back on the computer sending a few last IM's to Sheska.

Bookworm189: _Living with seven boys? OMG!_

AutomailAngel99: _Only U would think this is great...I kind of do. If only not the Elric losers!_

Bookworm189: _Srry, but if we could take you we would!_

AutomailAngel99: _I knows. Just pray for me._

For better or worse she'd be on her way to Central City to live in boy hell/heaven.

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Yes, I know it's not Betad. So give reviews or bad comments. I accept it all.


	2. Meeting the boys

I decided to fix this up and attempt to keep writing it. Good luck to me. As I said I got the idea from Megan Meade's guide book. I lowered the age of the characters and made some of them a happy family. So enjoy it.

"Welcome to lunatic manor." Trisha's joke was tired as her SUV pulled into the driveway of the three story home. A rock gate was surrounded the area, the surface of them covered by blackend vines. The house itself was a pale shade of yellow, green bushes covering the sides of it. A large grassy yard was in the front and back and even from her seat in the back all Winry could see was boys. All of them playing a game of tackle football. Forget about little chewing gum, hair pulling monsters... These men had been touched by gods! Tall, handsome and perfect bodies all around.

"Winry?" The girl's head twisted around to face Trisha once the older woman reached back, patting her knee gently.

_Oh, god. Did she see me drooling over her kids?_

Trisha only smiled, removing her hand as she began to unbuckle. "You can live in the car if you want, but it's not worth it. They'll find you." It sounded like she was half serious in the joke. Outside one of the boys, a tall blond haired one turned his attention to the car before motioning for the others to come over.

The world seemed to come to a crashing end.

Winry felt her hands begin to shake as she pushed open the car door to step out onto the grass. Her ponytail bounced as she moved, her arms crossing tightly over her chest. _Remember what Mom said, just be myself. _She heard herself repeating as Trisha came around the car to stand beside her. By now all eyes were on the two only females in the group.

"Winry, it's good to see you again," Hohenheim Elric was a soft speaking man, tall with a blond beard and shaggy blond hair held back in a ponytail. Currently he wore a pair of old shorts, a ragged sweatshirt and bare feet. He was handsome in a sort of old movie star way. "Last time we saw you, you had a stuffed dog at your side constantly.. What was his name.." He continued to speak, amid Winry's slowly turning purple face. "Den-den?" His words caused a few of the boys to begin to snicker. With that the Rockbell female spun on her heel, practically stomping back to the car for her things.

"What'd I say?" Trisha rolled her brown eyes at her husband's absent minded ways, taking hold of his arm. "Honey."

"Mm?"

"Be quiet."

At the car Winry was fuming silently, starting her struggle with the suitcase that refused to come out like it should. _How can he remember Den-Den? _Said stuffed animal was tucked in her suitcase safetly. She grasped the suitcase, giving a sharp tug to which it came undone but sent the female falling backwards. Hands clamped down on her shoulders, moving her back into a standing position. "Easy there.." The tall blond gave her a grin, before letting go of her body. "Sorry about my dad... no one else wanted him."

The joke wasn't as funny as intended but it did make Winry giggle softly. Only a few seconds later did her face heat up as she realized this boy was speaking to her at a close distance. "It's...no big...problem." Her voice came out shaky once again. The boy gave a nod, reaching down to pick up the large suitcase and her laptop bag from the back of the trunk. All that left was the suitcase with her underwear and pj's, plus her rollerblades. "What's in here, rocks?"

"Bricks!" She returned, her face breaking out into a faint grin as she lifted the last of her things. The boy's smirk was cheerful as he headed back toward the other's on the grass.

"I'm Russell by the way." A rock could have knocked her over by this point. This handsome guy was the same chubby little monster who had gummed her hair for fun!

"No...No.."

"Yeah?" He turned, a frown folding over his face as he looked down to her. "Didn't you attack me with a hammer?" At that Winry rolled her eyes, clutching her skates in her hand tightly.

"It was a bat and you put gum in my hair first!" The two had finally come to the middle of the circle, the eyes directing back to the blond girl.

One of them, a boy with pale skin and possibly dyed green hair that hung in strands over his face, gave a wicked smirk. "Nice blades... Try not to fall on your ass." His voice was deep, almost female sounding. His outfit consisted of a pair of black shorts and a skin tight crop top, his feet bare.

Winry's face almost turned purple for a second time, her mouth trying to form a comeback to that. Where the hell did this little weirdo get off? Luckily, Russell was quick to retort. "Why don't you go suck someone off, you little faggot!"

"RUSSELL AND EVAN ELRIC!" Trisha's normal quiet and sweet voice came out as a bark, her eyes narrowing at her two children. "Both of you watch your mouth!" The green haired male merly smirked, though his eyes shot death toward Winry. Clearly they were not going to be friends. "My name is Envy, princess.. Remember that." Trisha shot her son a look.

Hohenheim cleared his throat, trying to keep the rage from breaking between his wife and their children. "Are any of you hoodlums going to speak or just stand there?"

Grumbling a bit the boys broke apart, only one of them stepping forward. He looked to be the tallest, a pair of sunglasses balanced on his nose. "I'm Gregory... ignore the green haired faggot." His voice was deep and a bit on the soft side. His hair was dark and styled almost spiky, his clothes a pair of tight leather pants and a black t-shirt. "You can just call me Greed, honey. You'll be a junior in my class?" Behind his back, Envy stuck up his middle finger.

_He's tall for a junior_ Winry nodded her head, a slight frown edging on her face. Honey? ... Minus his clothing and the slight nickname, he seemed normal. Greed turned to the side slightly, pointing out another boy with a long finger. This one had blond hair with an orange tuft in the front. His height was a bit shorter then Greed and he was currently smoking a ciggerette as he leaned against the wall of the house. He raised a hand to wave at Winry. "Name's Jean." His smile was kind, making her feel a bit more relaxed.

"You've already met Envy, this is Edward." Edward was a short boy with long blond hair that was held in a ponytail like his father. Like Greed he was wearing leather pants and a dark tank top, his eyes staying glued to the ground when his name was said. Winry's eyes looked him over, her eyes stopping on his right arm. _An Automail arm? _At the bottom of his pants at his left leg she could see a shiny automail foot. Greed cleared his throat, pointing to where a small dirty blond haired male around eleven was trying to hide behind their mother. The boy lifted his head, smiling shyly at Winry. "... I'm Alphonse."

He seemed normal enough that Winry could smile in return, before she yelped in surprise. Something or someone had banged into her legs from behind. Looking down she saw it was a small boy as well, this one with wide violet eyes and messy black hair that hung down to his back. Russell chuckled, reaching out and lifting the boy up to place onto his shoulders "And this little monster is Wallace.. But we call him Wrath." He explained.

The little boy laughed, wrapping his hands around Russel's neck to keep from falling. "Hello, Wrath." The boy turned his attention to Winry, eyes blinking curiously as she spoke. There was a short silence, before he stuck out his tongue at her in a childish manner. Winry felt a bead of sweat trail down her forehead.

_I am in SUCH hell! _

_===========BREAK======_


End file.
